Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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