Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
