I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
