3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I CAN MOONWALK!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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