Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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