I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize