I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
