i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
