How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
this will be a night to untag.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
