I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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