I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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