Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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