Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize