Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
