love makes seman taste better
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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