bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
