I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
