I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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