i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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