Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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