I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
