aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
