i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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