I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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