It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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