What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
