Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
