I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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