yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
