real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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