Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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