I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
