She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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