it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
