And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
