we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
