my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
