we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
