I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
