I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
