I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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