You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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