do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
