So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
