Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
