i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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