i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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