Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize