im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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