dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
