i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
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