A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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