What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i came on her dog
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
