Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
