her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
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