i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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