I think I died a long time ago.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
bring money and cleavage
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
