So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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