She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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