i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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