I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
