About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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