i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize