I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
