I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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