I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize