I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
