I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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