Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
