and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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