omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize