nut hugger
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
