He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
